As I’ve scrambled to get writing done on a schedule and to meet the goal dates that I’ve set for myself as part of the Chase Chance Project I have run into mental health walls. They steal my motivation and my desire to create. They cause me to stare at my Facebook wall for an hour here and there, or just to sleep. That’s my favorite bugaboo: sleep.
I struggle with it, and now that I have a part time job I struggle even more. I can’t wake up at noon and take my leisurely time to write the four or five thousand words that I need to write. I have to conquer my depression long enough to slip into the zone. I’m not to the point of deep work yet, but I can get into the zone, and that’s the best I can manage sometimes.
I’m also struggling with depression as I’m in a mean situation. Working for the same company I worked with my senior year in high school and doing the same things only with newer technology. It’s depressing when it eats up my primary times for writing, after I get up at noon–or later. And the fact that I have three degrees and nearly ten years of experience as a lawyer make it all that much worse.
I suppose the solution is to wake up early, but then I wouldn’t have any problems and there would be no reason to complain. Not that I’m looking to complain, mind you, I enjoy my time writing, I just need to motivate myself to wake up in the morning, rather than in the afternoon.
While I’m not sure whether it is part of my general depression that comes along with my schizoaffective disorder, there is a possibility that I have developed morning depression. Healthline has a good overall summary of the plague of depression in the A.M., it’s symptoms, and helpful hints for self-treatment. It also suggests that a different anti-depressant is the way to go. SRNIs instead of SSRIs.
There are a few specific behaviors that are supposed to help: sleeping at regular hours and waking at regular hours–the hard part–exercising regularly, avoid caffeine and other foods that might cause late night insomnia. I suppose that might be the way to go, though it’s still a struggle to even think about getting up at a regular hour. Especially when it is so soft and comfortable to stay in bed.